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awkward

Screen shot 2013-02-10 at 9.38.36 PMimage from tattly, awesome temporary tattoos.

i have had a little trouble managing my anxiety lately. you know, when you have thousands of things in your mind at the same time, and you want to execute all of them now and only right now and, of course, nothing gets done?

it’s like that around here.

i only work well if i have a very strict routine. i need discipline or my days are waisted. at the same time i’m a big lover of spontaneity. so, how to make these things work?

last year i had a fantastic schedule. see, working from home, i need discipline and a routine or i end up spending an entire day cleaning and forget about cooking or working or writing.

i divided my day into blocks of hours.

6-8am: read the paper. {we wake up early around here, 4am normally}

8-11am: my free time of the day: i could sleep late, take long showers, go on a bike ride, go shopping, go to the gym.

12pm: if B. needed help, i’d start working at 12pm. otherwise this was time for cleaning and cooking, organizing the home and his life the best that i could to make life better, comfortable, easier.

4pm:  this was my official start of work hour. there was no time to end. sometimes i’d be done by 9pm, sometimes i’d work the night and sleep in the next morning.

this really worked for me in 2012. i got to go to the gym everyday. i had consistency.

however, since spending 2 months in Brazil, it’s been tough to get back to any type of routine. also, this year i’m investing a lot more of my time to the company, so most days i wake up, don’t read the paper, don’t take my morning ME time and start working in bed. open the laptop and only leave around 11am to eat something, cook, shower, etc.

i have to say that i can see results on extending my working hours. at the same time, i miss some routine that involves time for myself. i’ve been working non stop from the time i wake up, to the time i go to sleep {when that happens, i suffer a lot with insomnia} and haven’t been going to the gym at all, or cleaning the house well. i’m not complaining, i love what i do. i have never been happier, i just wish i had the most fantastic house cleaner on earth, and a cook, and was slim and toned and never needed to go to the gym. 🙂

since that’s not the case, i need to balance things out. i know obsession is bad for me. i need to divide my time so i can do different things everyday.

it feels like i have abandoned a few aspects of my life  that i really enjoyed. at the same time, when i do take time to myself i feel guilty. does anyone who own their own business feels like that as well? i leave the house and soon enough start thinking: “i could be working right now…”

it wasn’t like this before. maybe it’s just a phase?

this week, my goal is to focus.

for a person like me {diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, hyperactivity, obssessive-compulsive disorder – what a combo!} focus is such a dream.

i’m going to focus on happiness. and everything that involves:

1. juice cleanses
2. watch “happy
3. read “project happiness
4. clean the house with method grapefruit
5. take better care of my skin
6. drink lots of water and coconut water – hydrate
7. go to barre method classes, hikes, bike rides
8. enjoy the sunshine

life is beautiful.

IMG_0221this is pretty much how i tried to celebrate my birthday this year. with lots of color.

IMG_0290 IMG_0289 IMG_0291B. and i left real early to have breakfast at a french cafe close to our home. the sweets looked incredible. i couldn’t choose only one!

IMG_0073 IMG_0065 IMG_0072 IMG_0071we also stopped for brunch at another of my favorite spots in town The French Press, another french cafe. do i see a theme here?!?

IMG_0222 IMG_0298 IMG_0220then we drove around town, checked out a few neighborhoods, took a bunch of pictures with amazing street art, went to home depot (!) to pick up supplies for a project. B. got me a gorgeous plant for our home. in brazil, that’s called espada de são jorge and folklore says the plant protects you and your home against bad energy and jealousy. here it’s called snake plant. i have no idea why… it’s beautiful, though. i loved it!

IMG_0293 IMG_0294the day was colder than we expected it, so instead of spending time at the park like we had planned, we headed home, full of whole foods deliciousness and B. served me a cheese plate, home made sangria, sparkling water and oranges. oh, we found out whole foods does the best french baguette in town. bread in denver sucks. but, they got theirs right.

have i mentioned i’m obsessed with oranges and waffles?! i just can’t live without these two things in my life anymore!

it was a great day. calm. full of love and color. so, so beautiful.

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this was a very weird, awkward and cold day. I didn’t sleep last night, which just makes things blurry. and, in the morning, when B. was up, it was -19F – wind chill. it’s been a long, cold, crazy cold winter. the problem with that is: my routine is completely screwed up. and I need my routine. I need my sanity.

since I started working from home, I created a series of rules and a serious routine I followed daily just so I wouldn’t go crazy. I have a calendar of what I should clean in the house, to keep everything shinning and not make me crazy tired, I have my workout routine and then, I work until I fall asleep.

but, with this weather, there is no chance I’ll leave the house to go to the gym (I have another rule, I’ll only go to the gym if it’s over 40F outside), and with darker, shorter days, I have no desire to clean. add to that the fact we have so much work lately, that a 24 hour day feels way too short. result: my routine is completely screwed up. and I miss my stupid little things. I miss going to the gym and, call me crazy, I even miss cleaning.

but hey, I’m not complaining (ok, not complaining about anything but the miserable weather). I love the work we are doing, I absolutely love working from home, and I work the new challenges that 2013 is bringing to our company. it’s just fun. and it’s fantastic to work with B. – except for when he throws temper tantrums, which happens sometimes. and, during this awkward day, I got to leave the house, stop by Starbucks, get us a sweet treat and a cup of coffee to make things, well, sweeter.

here is to the promise of warmer days, to the return to a healthy routine that includes daily visits to the gym, a return to #milaaday, lots of work, sunshine, and cleaning.

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thank you for letting me vent.

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